Approaching One Year of Breastfeeding... Again!

Baby Lane; note iPhone with supercharger

Lane’s first birthday is coming up on Tuesday, and I’m getting excited because it means I’ve hit one year of breastfeeding. I want to scream with happiness just writing that, even though I had little doubt I’d meet the goal- she’s my second kid, and in my 2 years and 4 months of nursing her older brother, I became educated about breastfeeding by attending mothers’ groups run by either LCs or lactation counselors, reading books and blogs, and listening to many mothers’ stories of breastfeeding successes and challenges.  I knew that even if I encountered an obstacle such as tongue tie or a baby with food allergies (problems I didn’t even know existed until after I gave birth), I had reliable, expert help just a phone call away.

Still, I knew obstacles were possible.  I could have had a baby born with a medical issue like like an unformed palate or even a health problem that put her in the NICU, both of which would complicate the oh-so important first fews days of breastfeeding.  I could have had problems when I went back to work at 8.5 months, like a care provider who overfed her milk, or even a power outage that ruined a painstakingly built-up extra milk stash in the freezer.  In addition to all of the fascinating science I’ve learned about breastfeeding, I’ve learned just how many societal and medical factors can interfere with breastfeeding.

This time around, I did what I could to set myself up for a better start.  I avoided the same care provider and hospital that I used for my son's birth, because looking back, I see that the many birth interventions probably contributed to a rocky start to breastfeeding.  I had lots of IV fluids, which can increase engorgement which can increase latch problems (I had both with my son).  I was induced, which doubles a first time mother’s risk of c-section, which can cause potential issues like mother-baby separation (I didn’t have a c-section, but I DID have an unnecessary mother-baby separation after birth because a nurse lied to me and told me I HAD to give her my baby for an hour or two for a BATH or something). I knew I’d be stressed out if I gave birth at the same place again, and stress can lead to slower labor which can lead to more interventions, and I did not want to get off to another rocky breastfeeding start. I interviewed several care providers- Norwalk midwives, Danbury birth center, and two homebirth midwives- so I could find the place that best fit what I wanted for my daughter’s birth: relaxed, calm, with much more privacy than I'd had the first time, and less likely to use interventions as standard practice.   

Lane’s birth with a homebirth midwife went great, and I had a wonderful 8 and a half month maternity leave. Breastfeeding has been problem free, aside from a plugged duct that resolved quickly. Lane's adjustment to daycare went well, and her caregivers are supportive of breastfeeding. They understand that my pumped milk represents a precious time investment and they make do with what I’m able to pump, and they time her milk feedings to coincide with when I’ll want to nurse her next.  Going back to work after Lane could take solids was very helpful because it took some of the pressure off me to provide a certain amount of breastmilk. I wish all mothers had that option! I’m sure it would help more mothers meet their breastfeeding goals.  
I knew so much more this time around.  I knew to rely on pediatricians for medical advice, not breastfeeding advice.  I knew I could nurse wherever I wanted in public, and no one would care.  (In fact, nursing in public is an excellent advertisement for nursing as something that can be easy and convenient.)  I knew to nurse my child whenever she seemed to need it, not according to a clock.  I knew it was normal to nurse at night. I knew the sleep-deprived early days get easier, and that it’s not breastfeeding’s fault that the baby is waking. I knew that babies take what they want from the breast, so you don’t really have to worry as long as your baby is growing. I knew that breastfeeding is about more than feeding.
I’m thankful for the experience of nursing my son.  I learned so much from it, and I learned so much from the women who helped me the first time around- Eva, Ellen, Annie, my sister Amy, and other breastfeeding moms, like Suzanna, who talked me through a stubborn plugged duct.  I’m thankful for the Stamford Hospital lactation consultants, who have always gone above and beyond for me. I’m thankful for La Leche League, the place to go to meet other moms who know the joys and challenges of breastfeeding.  I’m thankful for the Attachment Parenting Group of Fairfield County and its wide variety of mothers. I’m thankful for my friends who didn’t nurse as long as me but who don’t bat an eyelash when I whip out the boob at playdates and restaurants.  I’m thankful for Stroller Strides, the exercise class where you work out with your baby and nobody cares if you’re breastfeeding while doing lunges.  I’m thankful for my coworkers who started some of our meetings 5 minutes later so I could pump for a few months.  I’m thankful to my employer for providing me the place I asked for to pump.  I’m thankful for my coworkers who have offered me their offices to pump if I ever need it.  I’m thankful for the Connecticut Breastfeeding Coalition for helping pass laws about breastfeeding in public and pumping in the workplace and courthouses. I’m thankful for the progress our society is making in being more supportive of breastfeeding.  

I’m thankful for all the little and big things my husband does to support the nursing relationships I have had with my kids.  In the early days of both children, when I was doing the intensive physical work of waking at night and spending several hours a day nursing, he was doing everything else like cooking and, you know, bringing me water and keeping my iPhone charged.  It sounds little, but it’s actually a big deal.  The principle of taking care of the mother so she can take care of the new baby is not as instinctive in our culture as it is in some others, but my husband gets it.

Parenting is a balance and my husband is a huge part of making breastfeeding and working work.  In the morning, he dresses the kids while I make sure I have all my pump parts and Lane’s stored milk for the day.  He’s also just a big part of making two kids manageable.  Now, as Lane is older, my husband wears her to sleep so I can do bedtime and read and snuggle with my three year old, who I no longer nurse but with whom I still have a strong physical bond.  And, this is something I don’t worry too much about but I have heard of it, and I think some people do worry about it, but my husband has never given me a guilt trip for my dedication to breastfeeding or been jealous of the physical bond breastfeeding creates between baby and mother.  

I’m thankful for my family, both immediate and extended, who see breastfeeding positively.  I come from a line of strong-willed people, so I know they understand my determination to meet my breastfeeding goals.

I remember how daunting a year sounded when I set that goal for nursing my son.  I didn’t know anything about breastfeeding, and what I had heard made it sound really hard.  It was a challenge to overcome numerous little hurdles that first year-- a rocky birth, a poor latch for the first 5 days, lack of understanding about how frequently brand new babies nurse, poor breastfeeding advice from pediatricians during my son’s severe tummy bug at 5 months, battling back from a supply drop from that, and the onerous task of pumping at work-- but it was worth the effort.

I’m amazed at how much simpler it was to nurse my second child.  Still, I’m proud to have reached one year of breastfeeding her.  I hope we have another year or two of breastfeeding left.  With what I know from nursing her brother, I feel confident our nursing relationship will evolve beautifully.

As Lane’s birthday approaches, I’m thankful for what a fun, smart, loving kid she is.  I’m thankful for the good memories her birth holds.  I’m thankful for the women that helped make that happen: my birth teacher Cynthia Overgard, whose hypnobirthing course gave realistic advice about how to have a pleasant birth experience; my doula Ashley, who was a great match for me and a fabulous person I feel lucky to still be in touch with; and, this sounds weird, but I'm thankful to the US's best known midwife, Ina May Gaskin, whose book gave me the positive birth stories that floated through my mind as I labored.  And my friend Rachel, whose commitment to a home birth finally made me say to myself, Wait- maybe I can do that too!  And my friend Daisy, who loaned me her birth pool. Both of their homebirths, in the two months before mine, went smoothly.  I’m thankful for my midwife, Valeriana Pasqua-Masback, whose care and medical skills I felt completely confident in.

I’m thankful for everything I’ve learned in the past 4 years of birth and pregnancy and breastfeeding and parenting.  They’re all certainly intertwined, or at least they have been for me!