My First Obsession

I'm supposed to be doing work on a newsletter, so of course I've found myself scrolling through my Picasa web albums.  I discovered one of my favorite photos; the one at the bottom of the post, but I like that the first three lead up to it... my total obsession with my first nephew, Jack.  If Jack and I were in the same place, I was all up in his grill from the minute he woke up to the time he went to bed, pretty much.  

My first birthday with Jack!  (My 28, maybe, but the first one where he was also alive.)

At my youngest sister's graduation from college!

At the beach in Massachusetts!

And my favorite: in the garage in Delaware, summer, not too long before Justin was born (at home, by accident, and it was totally awesome).  

I like this last photo because I'm clearly totally into whatever Jack is doing, plus my sister is pregnant and wearing compression hose.

Funny Q Quotes

2/17/14
Q: "And you really are kind of the worst mom ever."
10/6/13
Q to me, in car: You're so nice.
Me: Thanks, honey!
Q: But- sometimes you hurt my feelings. That means, you're not always so nice.
Me: I know, honey. Mommy isn't perfect.
Q: Only daddy is perfect, because he bes nice to me every day- but you're not.
6/22/13
Mommy punch me in the face right now.
What?
Punch me.
Honey, I'm not going to punch you.
2/10/13
Q: Mommy, what is Darth Vader's real name?
Me: I don't know, what is it?
Q: I don't know.
Corey: We're not going to tell you, because it will ruin Empire Strikes Back for you.
Me: You'll find out when you're older.
Q: It's Skywalker.
C: Dammit.
Me: Is it really?
C: How could you not know that?
12/21/12
Husband, about idea that all schools should have armed guards: "The only thing that would be more ridiculous is if the NRA said all teachers should have guns. But it would be cool to have a six shooter on your hip."
4/29/12
Just do you know, I don't think I can participate in this cloth diaper experiment.
Me: "Because?"
I have a weak stomach. I'm squeamish. I don't like icky things. I don't like poop.
I just want to be able to throw it away and forget about it.
I want nothing to do with poop.
That's why toilets were invented.

Brain Corral: Class Jobs, Cracking Myself Up

I am currently cracking myself up by assigning extremely detailed class jobs.  (Side note: I considered naming this blog Cracking Myself Up.  I often crack myself up. And, INCREDIBLY, the domain name crackingmyselfup.com is available.  Unfortunately, I have to consider the fact that my blog name has to sound SORT OF professional in case my students and their parents see this blog.  Plus, I always tell my principal about my blogs so I am in a state of full disclosure.)

I'll post the detailed list of class jobs later, but here's the basic list:
1. Light master- turns lights on and off, opens and closes door as class starts.  Five tickets per week. (I might give that second part to my Door Enforcer.  We'll see how the Light Masters do.)
2. Class Librarians (2).  Highly paid.  Ten tickets per week.
3. Technology Assistant.  4 tickets per week plus chance for overtime.
4. Supply Master- makes sure supply area is neat, that kids put tape and staplers back and do not use any supplies for unauthorized purposes.
5a. Planner assistant- reminds kids to copy HW and keep planner open.  Also dispenses bandaids as needed.
5b.Absence Keeper- writes kids names down who are absent and what work they need to do, plus put needed handouts in absence binder.
5c. Lost and Found Keeper- monitors lost and found area, returns items to owners, scans class for lost items.

Thursday Morning Brain Corral: Stress, Birds Chirply LOUDLY in Morning

I swear that there is this ONE bird who, as SOON as the sky starts to lighten, starts going, "CHIRP CHIRP!  CHIRP! CHIRP!"
The first time it happened, I was all like, "Ooooh, spring! Birds chirping!  Good morning, birds!"  A week later, I'm all like, "SHUT- UP."

Now, there are MORE birds.  So, the first guy goes, "CHIRP CHIRP!  CHIRP! CHIRP!"
Then his buddy answers, "Choo, Choo! Cha- chirp-chirpchirp-chirp-chirp-chirp-chirp!"
It's just obnoxious.

Enough about birds. Let's talk about stress.  I don't know if I've ever been under this amount of PROLONGED stress.  I've been in stressful days, stressful weeks, stressful situations, stressful times of life... but I've been stressed this whole school year. I am not sure if I'd have stopped to acknowledge that- who has the time?- but in all of my voice therapy sessions over the past 2 months, the theme of STRESS has come up from the very beginning:  I have a lot of tension in my neck and throat.  I tighten up when talking.  I have to consciously try to keep my jaw and my tongue loose and relaxed.

This week, we have determined, um, I am super stressed.  This realization came due to wine, pizza and friends.  As I told my voice therapist, "Usually at dinner I try to protect my voice and not talk too loud over the background noise.  But last week, after two glasses of wine, I was laughing, talking loudly to my friend over the noise of the restaurant and our loud kids... and my voice felt and sounded fine.  Am I crazy, or did the wine relax me enough to get rid of all that tension?"

Student Quotes 2012-2013

I discovered this list from last year and want to post it before I lose track of it.

"What are you doing?  You're acting like a two year old. You're sitting there doing nothing." - one of my students, who was often doing nothing, talking to two of my students who were among my most productive (all boys).

"I'm an underachiever."- A
"No you're not." - me

"You don't have to believe me, but I've seen a squirrel do a back flip. It was SICK."  - G, totally off topic during class.

"What's something like, REALLY bad, but not inappropriate."  -E, brainstorming comic ideas.

Fantasizing About Organization

I'd just like to state out loud that I'm fantasizing about this organization system, specifically the corkboad and the letter holder with the small shelf in between.  The small shelf isn't shown in this picture.  I'd like to put these three items over the crappy IKEA desk I have in my bedroom. I'm going to say, if I can get myself organized, I will treat myself to these items, which are 160 bucks.  That's a lot.  Maybe I can do without the letter holder.  We'll see.  I just want to verbalize a goal and a reward, because I think if I do that, I'm more likely to make it happen.  Thank you for listening to my fantasy.

It's Only Small Talk: Tips for Success

I’m a world-class small talker. I honed my craft in college on the streets of Charlottesville, VA, with its friendly-to-foot-traffic environment and slow-paced summers, which allowed ample opportunity for small talk. However, the foundation was laid where I grew up, in small-town King George County, VA, where you have to be able to talk to anyone no matter how different they seem from you. You can’t escape each other in a county with only 7 stoplights, so you have to know how to talk to people when you run into them at the Food Lion or the gas station. 

Small talk skills are life skills. As you grow up and move elsewhere, small talk is a way to connect with your new community and learn more about your world. Plus, with small talk, even the most boring day can become interesting. My small talk skills are how I made friends with the security guards and policemen on a movie set in town, which eventually got me onto the set to watch DeNiro film a scene. I’m a master of just hangin’ around, and you need small talk to be comfortable doing that.

Here are my tips, whether you’re just boppin’ around town or navigating a holiday dinner with tedious relatives.

Small talk tip #1: Talk about what’s right in front of you. 

I know this tip is obvious, because that’s why everyone talks about the WEATHER. It’s right in front of us, and we have it in common… but it’s so BORING. I want to help you move beyond “weather small talk” and be a more versatile small talker. This tip saved me this summer when I (uncharacteristically) got stuck without any ideas for small talk. 

I was getting corn for dinner. I put some in a bag, then saw a man shucking an ear with great purpose. Me: “Do people always shuck corn before they buy it, or do some of them just put it in a bag and shuck it at home, like I do?” 

“Well, I think most people just do it at home,” he said humorlessly. 

I decided to shuck the corn, more for the camaraderie of it. I wanted to be shucking corn with a stranger in the grocery store. But for the life of me, I could not think of any way to make small talk. I thought about mentioning something about the quality of the corn, but I didn’t think “I got some organic local corn that looked way better than this,” would be socially appropriate. I didn’t have any interesting stories about why I was making corn that night, nor did the man offer any information about himself and his corn usage. We were just vigorously shucking corn together. 

That man left, and another man came along. I was still shucking because I’d had to stop to text my sister to see if we needed more broccoli. Suddenly, I realized my hands were sticky. Eureka!  “My hands are all sticky!” I exclaimed, holding my hands up toward the new stranger.